Drat and Double Drat!
Have you noticed someone speaking differently than normal when they're around someone with a certain twang or accent? Maybe your friend or family member suddenly begins to tilt their head or their body language suddenly begins to mimic another's when they're with certain folks. It always cracks me up when that happens and I am so conscious of it that I try really hard not to follow suit. Maybe you're guilty of having a different giggle or louder voice or say words that you don't usually say when you're with someone that isn't typically in your presence.
Once I saw someone I only knew in a certain setting, outside of that setting...well, I'll just say they were very different. Their happy, cheesy attitude wasn't happy or cheesy at all.
Honestly, I'm mostly the same wherever I am. I may be more open or talkative in different settings; most likely because of my filter...or lack thereof. Can you relate?
The other day I was getting ready to take my father-in-law to a doctor appointment and the last task to complete my to-do list before leaving was to get the dogs out one more time. As I was impatiently waiting for my decrepit 14 year old lab to decide if she was going to move or not, I hollered expletives at her all the way out onto the porch where low and behold, my father in law was waiting...unbeknownst to me. I could be thankful that he's hard of hearing, but it doesn't matter, I was ashamed of myself. Not just because I should be more patient with the best dog in the world, but because I shouldn't talk like that ever. Not just in front of others, but even alone. Not even just in my head, and I've truly been working on this habit. Alas, I fell short.
Before that incident, we were on our way home on a different day and were almost hit head-on; the words that flew out of my mouth in rapid concession were not becoming of the lady I should be. Pappy only laughed. Pappy never curses, well, hardly ever-almost never. He has plenty of opportunity to, but he doesn't. Thankfully he's known me almost three fourths of my life, so he probably wasn't surprised at my outburst.
Years and years ago my dad told me never to say one word in particular. Of course that became my favorite one to use. Once, I said it in front of my husband-then boyfriend. The look on his face was one I'll probably never forget. He explained to me, that the reason I shouldn't say things like that is because it makes me seem other than how he knows me. Ponder that for a moment.
In my husband's eyes I must be a pristine specimen. Of course he knows better, but he places me on a pedestal with a jeweled crown that I will never deserve. Although I can do wrong in his eyes, it takes some pretty big wrong for him to reprimand me or even say much about it at all. One thing that will always bring that "look" is when words come out of my mouth that make me seem other than how he sees me-Ugly. And not the way he knows I am in my heart.
Matthew 15:10-11 is very powerful as Jesus talks to scribes and Pharisees. Basically saying they deceive themselves in their worship. They are judgmental and lacking in faith. The Pharisees were more concerned about tradition than the facts. He went on to point out that dirty hands and things that are eaten aren't important. What is said, cannot be taken back. What comes out of ones mouth comes from the heart.
How often have I showed my darkened, sinful heart by the words that I have spewed from my mouth...There is no way to take back what's been said. I know, I've tried. There isn't enough apologizing to erase it. There is no "delete" button.
I love Psalm 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer."
Oh, if it were only that easy and beautiful.
I need to really focus on James 1:26 "If any man (that includes women!) among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is in vain." That verse humbles me. Yes, I am a Christian. I have been saved by the blood of Christ and now it's my duty, my privilege, to share my joy with others in hopes to lead them to the cross too. Being a loose tongued, slander slave to satan's tug at the freedom of bad language isn't making anyone joyful, least of all my Lord. And it surely wouldn't be a "me" that I would want to be like so how would I expect anyone else to want to be like me? (in the good ways! -the happy, joyful, Christ-loving ways!)
It shouldn't matter who you're with or who you aren't with, God is always there. He gives me joy and happiness when I acknowledge Him and I find it more difficult to act in a manner unbecoming when I recognize that I'm not alone. I'm not alone in the fact that I'm not perfect, I get angry, I'm a sinner, I fail. I am not alone because my Savior is always with me. I'm not alone in the fact that I'm forgiven and I constantly strive to be who I'm created to be. Even when I finally take one step toward being better, and end up taking three steps back, He picks me up, forgives me and sets me straight again. And again, and again.
